To my Alda <33

where do i start? okay babe i just want to say whatever happens next is my decision. going crazy looks good right now.. but if i go insane i guess i'll never get this out of my head. you are the greatest alda. i dont ever ever ever want to hurt you. i would rather hurt myself than hurt you. i'd rather die than knowing me living is hurting you. girlie girl you and i go way back. (a year? lol) but yeah i've been nothing but a pain in the ass for you! sadly .. i had fun!! anyways i dont know where i'm trying to go with this other than i'm sorry. i'm sorry for whatever i've done wrong. i love you so much dada!! sometimes i think im doin the right thing. and then ... i realize ... its wrong. suddenly everything i did was wrong and was a lie. this has to be said. i dont know what im doing anymore. i thought i had everything under control with him. i thought i did. until it got into my head. i convinced myself to think the way i shouldnt have in the beginning. i weighed the good from this and it outweighs the bad ... so alda i'm sorry to break your heart beb .. but i have to ... i lied. i lied about it. i lied to myself. i lied i lied i lied. why? i dont know. maybe the only way to really get over it. to really move on with my life. knowing that everyone is dissapointed in me .. knowing that everyone is kinda hating me rigth now ... just knowing that alda ... it breaks my heart. i only had you on my side and all i wanted was for everyone to stop looking at me with that look. with those eyes. alda ur the only one who saw me ... the real me ... who loved me for who i am. for the past month i've been lying to myself. thinking that i was completely over it. i gave up on it. and realizing my mistake was lying to the only person who's never ever hurt me. and it was you ... i can't believe i would do something like that to you. i was so selfish for trying to make myself happier. i did it at the expense of your happiness. i'm really sorry alda. but im commin clean... I'M GAY ... (bwahah okay you cant expect me to be serious for too long -_-; that was my outburst ... it's over now lol okay) SERIOUSLY though ... i'm commin clean alda. there's no way i can lie anymore... but to be completely honest. i dont want it anymore. i dont. but i cant end it. i cant do it. there's nothing i can do to end it. i dont want him anymore. alda help me. i thought telling myself that he's done it again would help me not want him anymore. and i realized. i still do. but i cant. i hate being looked down on by the family. by my dad most of all. and im not going to risk any body else's happiness because of my selfishness. either way i will never be super happy. so please alda forgive me ... i really didnt mean for it to go this far. thank you so much for being real and true to me. if we can go back in time to when i was a good cousin ... friend .. sister... a good cami .. if i could go back in that time i would. but right now there's nothing i can do. i killed our trust -__-; and knowing me ... i would be the one to screw it up. </3 i broke my heart.

</3 Your idiot Cami

( a little trip down memory lane !!)

I swear by the moon and the stars in the sky
and I swear like the shadow that's by your side

I see the questions in your eyes
I know what's weighing on your mind
You can be sure I know my part
Cause I stand beside you through the years
You'll only cry those happy tears
And though I make mistakes
I'll never break your heart

Chorus
And I swear by the moon
And the stars in the sky I'll be there
I swear like the shadow that's by your side I'll be there
For better or worse
Till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
And I swear

I'll give you every thing I can
I'll build your dreams with these two hands
We'll hang some memories on the wall
And when (and when) just the two of us are there
You won't have to ask if I still care
Cause as the time turns the page
My love won't age at all

And I swear (I swear) by the moon
And the stars in the sky I'll be there (I'll be there)
I swear (and I swear) like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there (I'll be there)

For better or worse
Till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
And I swear

And I swear (I swear) by the moon
And the stars in the sky I'll be there (I'll be there)
I swear (and I swear) like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there (I'll be there)

For better or worse (better or worse)
Till death do us part I'll love you
With every single beat of my heart
I swear I swear I swear

guess whoO hehe - issh meh yer one and onlee Cami-kins hehe - wala lang - bored ako !! juss want to let yew kno dat i misses yew `ma and dat i goin crazy witowt chu. uhms yess i want yew to kno dat i be seein yew soOn so dun worreh kays? we gonna survive thru dish agens. how yer hart doin boo? hope yews okay !! well i gonna leeve roOm fer yew to update yer xanga kays hunhun? *mwah* ingats bheb ;D

" CaMii  "

spinnin...  "freek a leek"
eating... nutt'n. drinkin... waterr
chattin...  debbie mike mA, ralpH ,and jOnnYcakess c(;  mood ... giggle-ishh.

time... 1.13 pM » miss´n cami & kd !! 
date... fridae 7.15.04  O_____o

ahah .. uhh ... i ddnt  get to go to da dentist .. cos .. my dad went home late .. so im not going till mondae ..  -_- ... nothing much to say .. im tired .. my eyes wont keep open and maahhhh bOOtey hurts from sitting dOWn da wHOle dae wahah time tO werkk my back now  i gunna get some sleeep wahahha x) gud nite

editss **

im babysitting my cousin and his friends. damn better pay me. fsho. thyre so annoing. haha [= cool.

MY CONVO WITH MIKE ma

<3 aldaA